Living With Mesothelioma -My Diary- A lovely poem written by Michael Crill and A dragon fly from Brighton in the post


A lovely day today so we have summer around again.  I woke up after sleeping a very deep sleep. I was exhausted wasn’t I.

I have been checking out and my having low blood pressure is due to my drug.

Things you can do to manage hypotension:

  • If you have low blood pressure, changes in position must be performed slowly. Rest for a few minutes in between lying, sitting and standing.
  • Avoid hot environments, such as a shower or a bath, which may cause your blood pressure to be reduced.
  • Avoid alcohol and certain drugs that may cause low blood pressure. Discuss these causes of low blood pressure with your healthcare provider.
  • Drink lots of fluid. Drink 2 to 3 liters of fluid every 24 hours, unless you were told to restrict your fluid intake. This will decrease your chances of being dehydrated, and developing low blood pressure.

So Im more relaxed and Ray is monitoring it for me on his machine. It is higher slightly tonight so I will keep drinking fluids. This means more water for the diuretics, this might be hard ha ha !!!

We went shopping after lunch to Canterbury and it was lovely walking around in the sunshine.

The postman came and there was a lovely Dragon Fly with the story to go with it.

dragon fly brooch





















Gradually more and more Mesowarriors said they had received one.

I knew from the postcode who it was as it came from Brighton. It was Jan Weston. I think that was a lovely thing to do Bless her. We will all have to wear them to our meet up in August.

I also shared Michael Crills From Libby, Montana lovely but sad poem. He is very clever to capture just how it is.

london calling montana











London calling Montana

Today I’m Told
By Mike Crill

Today I’m told I have asbestosis in both my lungs
and that I am being sent home to die because there is no cure and asbestosis
is my guarantee to death…

Today I am scared to what has become of me.
I no longer can run nor walk very far.
Life’s getting harder every day…

Today I’m saddened by those who love me as they try to hide
the truth and their pain, knowing I shall soon die and that
they will witness my every moment, until I die…

Today I feel so lost because my life depends on a tube that
pumps oxygen into my lungs to keep me alive. Knowing beyond
the end of that hose lies the end of my life…

Today I am mad because I can’t feed myself and someone has to
bathe me, dress me and change my soiled pants. It’s times like
these I wish I were dead…

Today I am in the hospital. I’ve become too much for my loved ones
to endure and I am crying inside because I know when I leave here
I’ll be in Heaven…

Today is the worst, no feelings in my hands and feet, both are
turning blue and non-stop morphine is all that’s left to ease
my pain…

Today I tried my hardest for my last breath, for my last
touch of a hand in mine, as the last words I heard and the last
words I spoke, “I love you…”

Today … I’m in Heaven. No pain for ever more. It’s really
beautiful here. And I shall await for you all to join me in
eternal life and love…God bless and Amen

He also shared


AS I anticipated spending X mas
With my family and loved ones
As I drove into my parents drive way
Such joy I would soon share all day

Opening the door to a maze on the floor
And into the front room I saw more and more
All amoungst the house, a site to see
Clear plastic hoses run every which way.

This hose run every which way
This hose went left,right and back
All tangled up and a mess on the floor
Way in the corner, a big box, I see.

All these hoses begin their for me to see
Each one of these hoses, I follow to their end
Hooked to the nostrils, of my dearest best friends
I stood in the hallway and saw what I seen.

From down in my heart I felt myself scream
Two frail people, gasping for air
Each step they take doesn’t seem fair
They both aren’t very old,60 plus years

So hard to walk, so painful to hear
Dead in my tracks, mind in a daze
What I am seeing, brings back the old days
Days of my Mom, running faster than me

Chasing me for wrong with a switch from a tree
A woman who raised six children with love
Never to stop loving till her last day
Always their for me when trouble I do

Teaching me right from wrong that I do
I stood for a moment, seemed like many a years
Life flashing before me, holding back my tears
And beside her, her love of 46 years

A hose to my Dad and I lost all my tears
This x mas shall never forget
Never before have I felt so sick
As we all stood, looking at each other

Me their Son, they my father and mother
What has happened, how could this be
What I felt as my parents looked at me
Oh such pain I saw in both their eyes

A look I felt as if they were saying good bye
Miles of tubes, constantly feeding them air
All I could think is how life is not fair
Confined to a hose, as far as the end.

So slow each step, their knees they can’t bend
It’s so hard to write down a hurt that’s inside
And finish a poam my tears I can’t hide
I turn away fast and take a deep breath

Cry in my silence yet fooling no one
They didn’t say much, not much could they say
As we looked at eachother,oh what a day
I walked towards them to give them a hug

I went to my mom first, as I always done
I reached my arms around her
Wanting to just hold her so tight
In my arms as we held each other

So many times as a son and a mother
Over whelmed with emotions going faster than light
All that in life I love as I’m holding Mom tight
I love you dear Mother, I love you so much

A special love shared, when ever we touch
A thought of this moment that I’m sharing with Mom
A day will come and I will be alone
So I held a little tighter, heart against mine

Fighting back thoughts of Mom, not in my arms
I give Mom a kiss, say I love you again
A extra hug and our arms became unhooked
I look at my Dad, to give him a hug

He seemed so distant as we became one
With my arms around Dad, his around me
Over his shoulder, it hurts what I see
Here is the man, once strong and so free

Holding me loosely over my shoulder to see
To feel what I did, Dad in my arms
My arms holding on, I don’t want to let go
I Love you Dad, I say close to his ear

Holding him tight,we could feel our own fears
As I let Dad go from the love in my arms
I felt so sad for having let go
I had to be excused,into the bathroom,I locked the door

I sank to the floor, I could not hold back no more
I cried so hard, seeking peace from within
God give me strength so I can begin
To get to my feet and hold back my tears

Go face my loved ones, not showing my fear
I did rather well yet I know they could tell
They felt my pain as I shared in their hell
Helpless I am, what’s done it’s too late

Time is a ticking, time is their fate
Saying good bye to what I last saw
Changes my life to stand and not fall
All that matters and all that I see

I Love you Dad and Mom, best friends we’ll forever be…
God Bless Dad and Mom from your loving son…Mike

Thank you for allowing me to share this special time in my life with you. Both parents are gone as are many others from living and breathing the deadly air in the town left to die…Libby Mt.

Rays Blog


One thought on “Living With Mesothelioma -My Diary- A lovely poem written by Michael Crill and A dragon fly from Brighton in the post

  1. thank you for sharing my heart and my life with asbestos as I am but one of millions sick and dieing from asbestos, Libby Montana and WR Grace….may they all rot in hell for this was done to us and continues to kill more and more generations of families being sold/lied to that Libby Mt is a safe place to live and raise a family. This is such a lie. This death town kills everything that breaths and everyone in this town will die from asbestos, if they live long enough and don’t die from something else first…life and children are of no concern as this Holocaust continues. God Bless those that fight to ban this deadly fiber even if it is too late for millions.

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